If that's what you want, whatever dude

There's a couple things about me i don't like and work to change, but there's one big area that i hate sometimes but don't want to change. It's about how much I care about and need people. I'm the girl who knows she's cute and young and doesn't need a man to make her happy, but always searches one out. It's odd, because i hate being tied down as a girlfriend and usually refuse to be in any relationship. The single life is the way to be! i always say. Well, 2 weeks after a long relationship, i already find a new man to obsess over and be upset about when he doesn't call. Then a month later i find another man that i think is worth, and i even agree to be his girlfriend. Well i stay in that relationship as the only one who cares and get my heart broken again. And then i say, no boys for awhile! Riiight...who am i kidding? I love to make out! So a couple days later i find a new man, and another, and another. And again i meet one i really fall for, but say, i can't be your girlfriend, i don't want to get hurt! Well of course i did get hurt despite a simple 'dating status', and i'm heart broken, because again i'm the caring one that gives my all for someone without ever recieving it back. It's the same with friendships-too many times I've cared enough about friends too much so that when they don't call me back or make plans or forget about me, i'm a mess. I usually don't have regrets because i figure everything can be a learning experience. Well i'm starting to think i regret staying with my ex (no, not jim) because the last couple of months were all give and no recieve. But i didn't learn my lesson from it, because here i am all over again giving all i have to care about a boy who's last priority is returning my call and first priority is getting fucked up.

So am i supposed to start being a cold hearted bitch who has no feelings? At least that would get rid of my heart break. But then how am i supposed to feel the good times i get when someone cares for me? I guess this is one of those things you can't change...reasoning out things in my head works, but reasoning out my heart is a different story.