Baltimorons, read up...

You know you're from baltimore if...

Your car, no matter what year it is has only three hubcaps. You a girl under 18 that has at least two chilren. Anywhere you go in the city you can see the two Television Towers. People give you a ten digit telephone number. You know how to get anywhere on the MTA. You can go 1 inch across the city line and know that you're out of the city. You've ever gotten 6 peices of chicken for $1.99 that fit on one slice of bread. Cops constantly pull your car over if you have an orange Maryland Tag. You've know where every Red Light Camera is. You've been to a church that is a reconditioned rowhouse You ignore every No Turn On Red Sign You've wondered where the Freeway between Franklin and Mulberry Street was supposed to go to. You've been to the store to buy a 40, a pack of cigarettes, a roll of toilet paper and nothing else. When the traffic light turns yellow you look over to the right for a red light camera. You've made it through downtown in 5 minutes. You still have SuperBowl 35 Flags on your car. Raven 34 Giants 7. You have a car sound system but no car. A trip to Washington DC includes a $13.00 Marc train Ticket. You could be 20 feet away from somebody and they will walk in front of your moving car to cross the street. The further away from the city you work, the better the pay is. It is Bawl-mer or Ball-tee-more - not "Baltimore", depending on if you live north or south of Rt. 40. You don't wash your clothes, you "warsh" them. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere, Baltimore has its own version of traffic rules.... "Hold on & pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Baltimore ... we all drive like that. All directions start with... "The Beltway...."....which has no beginning and no end. The morning rush hour is from 6am to 11am, the evening rush hour is from 1pm to 7pm... Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. If you actually stop at a yellow light you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase "Oh, we're in GLIMBURNIE!" If someone actually has their turn signal on it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. All old ladies with blue hair and Buicks have the right of way. PERIOD The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85mph, anything less is considered downright sissy. If the humidity is 98+ and the temperature is 98+ it's May/June/July/August/September. If it is 10 degrees, it is Orioles Opening Day. If it is 110 degrees, it is opening day at Ravens Stadium. If you go to a football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the "Ravens Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $7500.00 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard during Preakness ... run over him! It's probably not his yard anyway. HFStival is not only a yearly tradition but it is one of the biggest parties of the year You understand that Old Bay is essential to have a good meal Your entire high school senior class went to Ocean City for a senior week and it was the best week of your life You can pronouce Havre de Grace You understand that the Terps and the Ravens kick major ass You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Baltimore.