Sorry, Steve

A message from my ex boyfriend:

"dude. youre going to take this the wrong way, but whatever, someone needs to tell you. someone from outside your friend realm...

you come off as gross. not funny, not cute, not anything but gross, unless youre some gutter fucking punk douche.

youre 24. grow up.

talk shit on me, hate me, take it as you will. i'm telling you from experience of actually being in the real world and living life for the last few years. you could tell any of your friends about this email and theyll tell you i suck because i am too p.c. or whatever, but i feel you need to hear this from someone besides your normal clique.

ive held my tongue for a while now, but come on. the way youre doing things and living life are pathetic at your age. Youre an amazing oboe player and could be showcasing your talent across the U.S. to numerous people, orchestras, anything. You could be doing so much better than you are, but you choose to live a mediocre-at-best life.

your life seems cool, but it wont seem that way a couple years from now when youre almost 30 and still living in shitty houses with going-nowhere roommates.

whatever path you choose in life, just remember to live it for you and not to make others happy. theres so much more out there to experience the right way.

i can picture you thinking i'm saying this because i think i'm better than you, but that;s not the case, I just feel you could be doing so much better for yourself.

take care.

jim."


ah, myspace. where perception is reality. i could let this go, and not make fun, but really-that's why i have a blog!

So, as a 23 year old, i guess it's just crazy that i haven't lived in the real world yet. Afterall, I would consider living in 5 different cities and paying every bill on my own proooobably the same thing as a fake world. 70 hour work weeks, having fun every day of my life, trying out different things, and playing and managing music is obviously a mediocre life. If only i could have a steady, boring day job, a husband and kids, and make loads and loads of money-I would have the best life ever!

If anyone knows me, hell if anyone even reads this blog on a regular basis, they will know the number one thing that's important to me in life. Not money, not where i live, not my career, not my friends, not my family-happiness. And I tend not to get along with people who don't have that same goal in life. Happiness is something i strive for everyday whether it's through trying to sell enough rooms at work, making the perfect reed, seeing how ridiculous and drunk i can get, sewing the perfect shirt, or just sitting at home realizing i've probably lived more in my life, at 23, then people who stay in the same city, in the same job, with the same people, ever will. No one will ever tell me what to do with my life and no one will ever know me as well as i do.

My ex doesn't phase me. There's a reason negative people aren't in my life anymore. I may be gross, i may pee in public, i may get drunk a lot, bla bla bla-i know i'm a good person. There's a reason my boss wouldn't let me quit and gave me a raise, a reason i've made so many friends here, a reason (most of) my ex boyfriends call me back to say sorry they were jerks. I'm extremely satisfied with the person i am at this point in my life, and i will be when i'm 30.

So for my ex boyfriend and anyone who wants to assume and perceive someone from pictures and surveys,

Take care.

Ashley.