I finally get it.

Or at least get it a little better. Despite not wanting to date Bob, I sit around wondering why he hasn't called, why he hasn't apologized, why he isn't concerned about me. Because like everyone else-I just want to know that my ex still likes me and that he is miserable without me. But, like Bethany says, you can't explain an assholes actions so there's no reason that you could explain their feelings either.

Chad and Todd made it picture perfect for me last night. Bob, and other kids i've dated, are on this immature, partying is everything, inexperienced level. I'm on this caring, do anything for my boyfriend, i know what i want level. I keep stuping down to this level of boys because we have a couple things in common, but there is no way that we will work because i may be able to help them open up and care a little bit, but i'll keep dragging myself down over and over again dealing with someone that's not even close to my level. So why hasn't he called? Because he doesn't care enough. Because Ashley isn't on his list of important things. Because he may want to be with me, but he doesn't realize he did anything wrong and he doesn't want to take the effort to talk to me, apologize, or still date me.

I guess I expect more out of people. I expect a boy that i like to want to put effort into me. But alas, I need to start looking for boys that are actually on my level.