Maybe some bullshit

I was reading Robert's latest column and thought about the numerous conversations i had with Hilary who has always been one of those "i don't need a man to be happy" girls, and as much as i'd like to be-i am not one of those girls. I really enjoy calling somebody everyday to tell about my day, i like it when a boy thinks my new haircut is pretty, and i like it when he's excited about a new job i have. A boy can just offer some sort of comfort a best friend can't.

My sister wonders how i find so many boys that i'm compatible with and can have fun with. i've always used the excuse that my type of guy is in such little quantity, i just have to know where to look. i go to a show or the punk rock bar, and i see someone i'm interested in. i don't have to weed through all the others at clubs, sports bars, or through online dating, because the kind of guy i like wouldn't be there. But then Todd says-maybe that pool is a lot bigger than you think, so you just put up with their rediculous qualities thinking another one won't come around. It's true-i looked past heroin addiction, unemployment, disregard for my friends and family-and thought that was a blessing because i could really see the other qualities that made that person an amazing human being. But, like Robert said, am i just being a doormat? Unlike him, i do believe in a soulmate and perhaps i'm so afraid of losing the one that's come along, i'll try to find any good reason to hold on to him to figure out if he is it.

Over burritos and beer, Todd and i talked about my adoration for a boy on the east coast. For some reason, i've always dated boys far away from me. I never liked anyone in my own school-they were at least 30 minutes away. The last one was 7 hours away. Perhaps it fulfills my independent side that hates boyfriends and also my dependent side that loves to talk to someone who likes me. I moved here trying to forget the past and not worry about the future, but i still spend every night thinking about someone who's 3000 miles away. Todd says i'm emotionally dragging him along through my life, so why not just forget about him and find someone here? It can't be that hard. He's right of course, i could find somebody where i am, but i know that could take a very long time. So i'll talk to this boy, ignore his bullshit, trying love the good points, and it's stupid-but i can't help it-i'm just one of those girls.