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Thursday, June 11, 2009

Happiness is all the rage

I read a lot of my old posts yesterday....cause i do a lot at work....a lot were about how incredibly happy i was in vegas. and then the posts when i wasnt happy. then i started to think about when i really happy last year in pittsburgh, but how now i'm not.

And i came up with these common threads:
A retail/easy/bullshit/random schedule job. It didn't mean a lot of money, but i had time off to do my own thing, there was not a lot of stress, and i met a lot of people my own age.
A few very close friends that were so happy i was new to the city, that we dedicated our time and energy to each other.
A newness to the city and an excitement to discover so much about it.
Warm weather.

I think that's all i came up with. I'll dissect the job thing later, but for now, i feel like going into my single life. There were many posts about how i met a new, cute guy. But he was a drug addict. Or irresponsible. Or an alocoholic-whatever, you name it, it was vegas. But then i met paul and really settled down. It wasn't better or worse-it was just my life. I've tried to stay single the whole time i've been here (Tried, i know my sister's laughing. hey-i have been on a few dates!), because i feel like it helps me grow as a person, and i feel like i discover the city more when i'm on my own.
But when i first moved here, i realized something was different. maybe it's the east coast guys. Or maybe it's guys that are actually older than me-but really, here's to all of you: wtf???
I'm single and ready to mingle. That means some night i might like to go home and have a one night stand. That means some night, after a couple of months or years of friendship, we might drunkenly hookup. Whatever the case may be, i'm not trying to 'boyfriend you' 'marry you' or even try to 'hookup with you' again! Maybe i accept that we aren't fit for each other, and i just want to hang out and make new friends in a new city!
Every guy i met and hooked up with last summer, completely disregarded me as a person when i saw them out. Barely a hello, and certainly not a 'hi how are you? how have you been?' i get it, we did it on the first date-im not the girl you take home to your mother. well guess what? you're not the guy i want to take home to my mother either! I want to have friends and i want to be around people who i enjoy the company of. But all of you guys just aren't having it.

So i changed my outlook. after 2 attempts at hanging out with a guy and no response on his end-number is deleted. if i see you out, a head nod is good enough. i dont have time to waste on men or on friends like that. But as i read my blog yesterday, i realized i met more people and i learned about myself when i gave people a chance.

So i decided to try my old way again last night. After not hearing the response i wanted, i could have closed my phone and deleted the number for good. but i thought 'hey, i need friends' so i kept chatting and ended on a good note (even if that note isn't us hanging out). As im telling hilary this, she reminds me that guys who hookup right away were never looking for a friend in the first place. They dont want to hang out again, because if they wanted to be friends-they never would have made it just about hooking up. i tried to deny, and counted on one hand the guys i know that have been able to do that-and decided to partly agree with her. She also said if a 'friend' is worth that much trouble to convince to go out, they aren't worth friend time at all. So as much as i'd like to keep giving this new way a chance-damn is it annoying. maybe i will agree with her and go back to my old way.


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