'tis the reason for the season

Moneybags. That's what I am this year. Well not completely-I'm still trying to save most of my money!
This is the first christmas that I'm able to get all my loved ones gifts that they can really use and will really like. That means I don't really have to worry how much money I'm spending. But either i've been so consistently frugal every other year or else i'm destined to be a selfish giftgiver.
Giving gifts is my favorite. I love to see people's reactions and i love when they appreciate how much time i've put into thinking what they would like. And i also get pretty 'butt hurt' when they don't adore what i got them. I like getting gifts, too. I don't care how much money they are if they're something i really love-it's literally just the thought that counts. As long as the person thought of me when they got it, that's all that matters.

But now that i've gone above and beyond this year, I feel like I may be acting a little weird and perhaps expecting more than usual in return. I'm afraid i've turned into my mother who is an incredibly generous person, but always wants a thank you, and a card, and something else.

It's not just christmas though. I hang out with people that are fun, party animals, and most of them don't have a lot of money for drinks. I remember months ago i had to stop going out because of how angry it made me that everyone here was never too thankful for how many times i'd end up buying their drinks, or spending money to come see their shows, driving to see them, whatever. I hate the feeling that i'm selfish for expecting a drink in return once in awhile, maybe a present when they go out of town, or just an acknowledgement that i'm a good person for helping them out. But that's what i feel like. Especially during this season. I don't want to be selfish-I want to share my joy. It's just money afterall.
I guess what i'm looking for are things that are more than money. And it doesn't seem that many people here have that to give me.



One more thing. I love my kids.