Headaches

I'm like Hilary-not writing in my blog. The difference is people want to read hers.
So here's my update for her (because I know you're the only one reading. and maybe an occasional ex boyfriend).

Christmas was...good. It was different. I don't know why exactly, maybe I just haven't felt myself this last month. Nothing really felt like the holiday this year: I didn't see any lights, didn't hear any Christmas carols, exchanged gifts that seemed a little forced from everyone, but i thought it would all change once I go back east. It didn't-it was a great family trip but that's about all.
I don't know if i wasn't in an NYC mindset or what-but I wasn't excited about the Rockettes, I was annoyed at all the people in Chinatown, Little Italy was gross to me, and I was angry that I had to wait on trains or walk to someone's apartment. Normal NYC annoyances I'm sure, but that's all the stuff I loved about it 3 years ago. I walked to the subway ready to take it into Union Square and I thought, can I really go to school here? Do I want to meet all these new people and then have them leave my life again? Do I want to pay twice the rent for an apartment the size of my bedroom? Is this a step up in my life?
But then Hilary and I walked around Brooklyn. It put a smile on my face-there is something independent about the city. Walking around, discovering new shops-it's the idea of really being on my own and feeling like i can make it. Maybe that's why it was great when i first lived there. But now i have that feeling in Las Vegas (and will hopefully have it forever). So maybe I like the city but the real appeal has worn off.

Anyway, Christmas at home was nice. But it seems once a grandkid comes-everything is about them. I'm not complaining-man i sound like a jerk in this blog. It was just less about our family and more about our fascination with every move and sound he could make. I will say this though-I think i finally like babies and spending time with him. I'm actually not scared to drop him and I can actually do something with him and be entertained-before I didn't know what to do and I didn't even want to hold him I was too scared.

So I was excited to get back here to Las Vegas hoping I'd feel normal and at home again. I didn't. Probably because i have the flu...maybe because i'm having a real weird month.

It's a new year. A new job may be on the horizon. I've got money saved most people would die for and I don't really have an idea what I want with it. I'm going to school-it's direction I need in life so that i have a plan for at least another 2 years in my life. I don't know if that means being a musician will be my ultimate passion in life-i hope so. I hope the surrounding will affect me and inspire me more than here. I don't know if anything will ever really be my passion in life. Maybe i'm meant to try out different jobs, make some good money, and live by being happy with friends, a man, children maybe, and laughing about farts and cats with my sister.

I guess when i put it like that, life is simple and i know that just living it however i want will make me successful and happy.