My apparenlty good enough for you to be reading about.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Thinking, that's all.

I've been unmotivated and upset lately. Perhaps that's why my diet blog only has 2 posts...
I'm trying to figure out a career path, which is probably the original reason i started this blog. i have no idea what it is, but i'm going to do whatever keeps me happy in life until i can figure that out. the problem lately, is that i'm not even finding things to keep me happy.
my job is the pits. yes, it could be much worse! but so what? what isn't the pits is waking up, having a goal, dressing up, meeting new coworkers, and learning on this job. i'm stuck in this pro equals cons stage of this job and am not motivated to look for anything different

my website is going well. i've got a lot of people interested and i've got a lot of visitors and users. im scared it's going to get old soon. i'm not motivated to change anything and progress it. my photographs and skills are improving, and i'm extremely happy with that. my mindset going into this was to improve business skills though, and i'm doing nothing on that end.

i can remember the happiest 2 years of my life were when i let go and went with the flow and figured out problems when they came along. it's hard to live in that mindset though. when i realized i was running out of money, i was stressed. when i realized i was going nowhere in a career, i was stressed. when i realized partying everyday may be easy now, but that work when i'm 35 with a family, i was stressed.

i wish there was a way i could balance a carefree attitude where i do what i want when i want, but with knowing my boundaries. i'm too concerned about what people are thinking and why things aren't happeneing, rather than just waiting for things to happen and fall in place. what sucks is that this isn't an attitude i can work on-it's the exact opposite of that. it's giving up on my concern and stress and mainting a positive attitutde despite everything.

hannah sent me a photo blog and it had some great advice. it also hits home with my own way of thinking:
"I have always believed in the power of coincidence. Serendipity. Whatever you choose to call it. I love chance. I love taking chances. Maybe I take too many, but I believe in leaving room for happy accidents, for the “meant to be.” I believe that sometimes we get what we need in ways we could never plan.

I’m on the island. I’m sitting by the sea wall in front of the cottage on a cool, cloudy day, waiting for another ship to pass. It will come in its own time, as yesterday came when I needed it, not before. Inspiration comes, not necessarily when it is needed, but when we’re ready to receive it."

Perhaps one thing i can work to change is surrounding myself with positive attitudes and people that inspire me even if they don't know they're doing it.