the 'hella' collection

i've signed up to do another fashion show. i'm pretty excited because i've had some design ideas in my head for awhile now that i haven't sat down and actually tried.
well here's my motivation! i even bought patterns after paul's mom rediculed me, and joann's was having a big 1.99 sale anyway. well, my bubble hem dress did turn out much better when using the pattern. then again, it ended up looking like a potato sack in general, but i guess that's the design!
i was walking around the mall yesterday looking for an audition dress and trying to avoid all the cheapo looks, but i strolled in a few trendy stores. i noticed everything i seem to be coming up with in my head is either some other form of what's already in stores, or some random piece of clothing that people would not normally wear and will end up looking trashy.
i got kind of upset, but then i thought-well they're my designs. i can't just come up with ideas of great stuff if my mind doesn't allow for it. and besides, i'm pretty trashy and i'm the only one that ends up wearing the stuff out as it is.

so, next weekend, along with the usc audition i'm frantically preparing for, i'm going to take a visit to the la garment district. the last time i went i wasn't in the mood to make clothes, but now that i can't find what i need at hancock and joanns, i'm very excited for the blocks and blocks of fabrics that are in the city.
oh ya, i'm excited about the audition too. wish me luck!

Your Life is Just Like Mine

I wouldn't say playing music is unlike anything else in the world, but it's certainly not comparable to just any job. Auditions aren't like normal interviews and practices aren't like regular days at the office.
It's recently come to my attention how frustrating and annoying it can be when people actually try to compare their life to mine by listing what they do at their jobs.

I have to pay to go to auditions and to go to school. There's 1 spot open and many many applicants. Half the time you know you're not going to come close to making it-it's just good experience for your career. Is this like when you go online and apply to a job? No.

Auditions aren't a 'well i guess i'll just see how it goes' situation either. You've spent practically your entire life perfecting your skills for this 1 thing-to land a playing gig. You can't be super relaxed, uncaring, and just make it a really fun experience-a lot of money from lessons, college, honors bands, traveling, tools, instruments, music, everything-goes into it.

So why can't somebody just ask me about what i do? Maybe they'd learn something by finding out what exactly it is i do and what exactly it's like to be a musician (not that i even know!) instead of trying to teach me how to be good at making money and my career by comparing it with something they do.

Headaches

I'm like Hilary-not writing in my blog. The difference is people want to read hers.
So here's my update for her (because I know you're the only one reading. and maybe an occasional ex boyfriend).

Christmas was...good. It was different. I don't know why exactly, maybe I just haven't felt myself this last month. Nothing really felt like the holiday this year: I didn't see any lights, didn't hear any Christmas carols, exchanged gifts that seemed a little forced from everyone, but i thought it would all change once I go back east. It didn't-it was a great family trip but that's about all.
I don't know if i wasn't in an NYC mindset or what-but I wasn't excited about the Rockettes, I was annoyed at all the people in Chinatown, Little Italy was gross to me, and I was angry that I had to wait on trains or walk to someone's apartment. Normal NYC annoyances I'm sure, but that's all the stuff I loved about it 3 years ago. I walked to the subway ready to take it into Union Square and I thought, can I really go to school here? Do I want to meet all these new people and then have them leave my life again? Do I want to pay twice the rent for an apartment the size of my bedroom? Is this a step up in my life?
But then Hilary and I walked around Brooklyn. It put a smile on my face-there is something independent about the city. Walking around, discovering new shops-it's the idea of really being on my own and feeling like i can make it. Maybe that's why it was great when i first lived there. But now i have that feeling in Las Vegas (and will hopefully have it forever). So maybe I like the city but the real appeal has worn off.

Anyway, Christmas at home was nice. But it seems once a grandkid comes-everything is about them. I'm not complaining-man i sound like a jerk in this blog. It was just less about our family and more about our fascination with every move and sound he could make. I will say this though-I think i finally like babies and spending time with him. I'm actually not scared to drop him and I can actually do something with him and be entertained-before I didn't know what to do and I didn't even want to hold him I was too scared.

So I was excited to get back here to Las Vegas hoping I'd feel normal and at home again. I didn't. Probably because i have the flu...maybe because i'm having a real weird month.

It's a new year. A new job may be on the horizon. I've got money saved most people would die for and I don't really have an idea what I want with it. I'm going to school-it's direction I need in life so that i have a plan for at least another 2 years in my life. I don't know if that means being a musician will be my ultimate passion in life-i hope so. I hope the surrounding will affect me and inspire me more than here. I don't know if anything will ever really be my passion in life. Maybe i'm meant to try out different jobs, make some good money, and live by being happy with friends, a man, children maybe, and laughing about farts and cats with my sister.

I guess when i put it like that, life is simple and i know that just living it however i want will make me successful and happy.