Good-boh Baltimore!

Since it's my last full day in Charm City, I though I'd write down some of my favorites. I'll miss a lot about the East Coast, but I'm not blogging about that, I'm blogging about Baltimore. So, what I absolutely love about it and will surely miss:

1. The Ottobar: the BEST place to see shows, an awesome scene of kids upstairs, and good djs/jukebox
2. The Location: DC is 1 hour, Philly is 2, NYC is 4, and most importantly: IUP is 4 and home is only 1!
3. Hilary and Robert: and all their friends. They've welcomed me into their group and it's nice to be around a more mature crowd who actually enjoys going to see the symphony
4. St. David's Choir: ok, so i don't know why i just put this on. But it was really nice singing with actual musicians
5. Free internet
6. "Only in Baltimore" stories: Men walking down the street at 1 pm with an open bottle passing it back and forth, and a woman smoking a joint haling a cab in broad daylight
7. The hipster people: they're not snobby here at all. they're not trying to be better than anyone else. very casual (and i love taxlo and britpop night).
8. Lexington Market
9. Towson Town/Owings Mills/all the other malls
10. Holy Frijoles
11. National Bohemian
12. Good shows: such a good mix of gutterpunk, hardcore, indie, and emo, it's awesome!
13. CRABS!!
14. The Inner Harbor
15. An Oriole's Game
16. Brewer's Art
17. The liquor store near our house
18. Our apartment porch in the summer
19. Angelo's big pizza
20. Dinner at my Uncle's
21. Little Italy
22. Rowhouses

And i reserve the right to add to this list once i think of more...

Selfish Shellfish

Hilary and I went for a farewell dinner at my Uncle's house. Since all but about one or two people who read this read hers, I won't go on about the details. But we had lobster! And learned from a real New Englander how to eat it: delish! I asked them where the steak was, since I'm so used to being taken out for Surf and Turf on dates (ya...right).
But speaking of dates...and my family...I realize I come from a household where both parents are college graduates, hell my dad has his doctorate. I'm sitting at my Uncle's house last night thinking, this is great conversation! We're lawyers and college professors and musicians.
The only boyfriends I've had were in college and had real career goals. I think i related to them much better and could really see a future with them because they could see one for themselves. Adam thinks i need a sophisticated hot guy in a business suit from the city to date-but i don't think he'd be fun and immature enough for me. College made it easy to find those really fun party guys who at the same time were intelligent enough to be attending school. Now that i'm out-my pool consists of fun party guys who, well, only party and have fun.
I'm not complaining all that much-I really just wish people could learn how to spell.

Psycho Kitty

Please tell me the Alternative Press is trying to be a little humorous with its descriptions in this. The camera views, the title of the article: hilarious-but rediculous. A cat on house arrest?

Champagne for my Real friends and Real Pain for my Sham friends

Moving so far away leaves me with a weird feeling about so-called relationships. I called someone who i should never care or think about again but of course would like to see before i go. Of course he doesn't respond so i won't be seeing him. I think of how weird it is that some people may as well be dead-they were in my life for a brief time, but i will never see or hear from them again. It seems so final to realize this and really leaves me with no closure.
On the other hand, a few people have recently contacted me that i haven't seen in years, and it's really great to get back together with them. They're people I've thought about every couple of months but assumed might be dead because i never hear from them. So who knows, maybe when I'm out trying to buy a bag of heroin, I'm looking up bass clarinetists in California, or I stop at the Cranberry Mall eatery-I'll run into a couple more people that i assumed died.
Otherwise, having to say goodbye to the people that actually care about me has been a bit sad, but i know i'll still talk to them and see them. Moving out west may mean that i won't go to NYC 4 times a year to see Adam, drink with Janice every other week, have hilarious weekends at IUP destroying house parties, or play fart game with Hilary on the couch every night, but i'll still consider these people completely alive and a part of my life.

I think hipsters can eat a dick

There's something about New York City. It's like different air-people there are beautiful. They're stylish. They give off an 'i don't give a fuck' attitude but can be totally friendly at the same time. Everytime i come back from there i have to sit for about a week or two just to realize i'm back in normal life. During this last visit, my friends and i went to the uber hip dance night for underground scenesters: MisShapes. The minute you walk in the door every 19-30 year old is donning the latest clothes, makeup, and hair trends, and there's a photographer on hand just to capture the moments. After the drunken night, i checked www.lastnightsparty.com to see if my picture got on the website-it sure did; except i was making rediculous faces and poses while everyone else looked almost pretentious in their steady and serious positions.
Looking at these pictures and thinking about these hipsters' lifestyles, i am completely fascinated. They're beautiful people and they seem to be extremely popular with everyone at the club, with every photo website, hell-with the entire city of New York. So i'm wondering, what makes them different? Why am i not popular like that? Is it because i sit at home most nights watching Lifetime instead of going out? Is it because i'd have more fun playing a round of flip cup and singing along to Alkaline Trio with the BCM than showing up at the right hot spot? Or are these hipsters really not different at all?
I feel like a little high schooler wanting to be just like everyone in the well-known crowd and wanting to hang out with them. But then i stop to think-i do know some of these people. I know kids that go to TaxLo, DJs at the Ottobar, the photographer for the Citypaper's Face-a-Day and they're all normal people! We eat at Taco Bell, watch movies in bed, and act like any other person. So maybe this hipster look is all just an image i see-posing so seriously in their MisShape photos, happening to know a friend who's a new designer so they can wear their new duds, going to clubs because that's what there is to do in NYC-and other times they're fine with getting together to watch an episode of Project Runway too.
So maybe i'll tell myself i'm an elusive hipster. I know where to go and who to meet, but most of the time i'm much happier sitting around not having to keep up with that. Besides, i look at Vegas' www.napkinnights.com and www.spyonvegas.com and the 'hipsters' in these photos seem a little trash-o for me.

For Nakia

Here you go gurl

Fool-for-Love Moves

It's not brain science to figure out when a boy does or doesn't like you. But after reading He's Just Not the Into You, it made me realize how easy it really is to read a boy. And due to some recent personal experience, I've dealt with a boy calling me 4 times a day, to one who does it every 4 days, to one who hasn't talked to me in 4 months. Unfortunately, i can't control which one i like more than the other. But MSN has some love moves to help me during dating:

Fool-for-love move #1: Believing that falling head-over-heels in love at first sight is best.
How to fix it: Flash-bang-wow chemistry is fun, but true love evolves over time—not through fleeting glances or over a few cocktails during one enchanted evening.

Fool-for-love move #2: Having sex early on in a dating relationship.
How to fix it: “If you sleep with someone right away, it can be a problem later, because you’ve bypassed the phase of ‘Tell me more about yourself’ and ‘What do you like to do on Sundays?’” “It feels weird to ruin comfort levels by asking such basic questions after you've gotten physically close.”

Fool-for-love move #3: Falling for someone who’s taken.
How to fix it: “You may get the attention you desire in the moment, but you also get the heartache of someone who is not free to be fully attached to you.”

Fool-for-love move #4: Not letting people know you’re seriously looking.
How to fix it: When you’re tired of being single, appealing to your friends for help can seem like an act of desperation. “Blind dates can be scary and uncomfortable, but it's a lot more uncomfortable to sit at home on a Friday night feeling depressed and lonely,” says Puhn.

Fool-for-love move #5: Ignoring red flags (even if the person waving them is otherwise amazing).
How to fix it: Have you ever found yourself thinking, “He’s great, even if he does drink waaaay too much,” When you’re smitten, it’s easy to overlook issues that threaten the very basis of a future serious relationship, but when you do, you’re sabotaging your shot at said serious relationship. “Every time you date someone with an issue you have to work to ignore, you’re settling,”

Ms. Photography

We went out for St. Patty's Day last night! I did my first Irish Car Bomb, but since i can't chug-i got through about a 3rd of the drink and then watched it all curdle in front of me. I've been attempting to experiment with my digital camera as well so i had a good time taking pictures. Here they are because i know you alllll want to see!!! OMG

where i eat lunch sometimes, good ol crackhead market

Magical Thinking

I've just finished reading this book by Augusten Burroughs. I'm not going to post a big review, because i'm not as good as Old Punks Blog and because i barely remember the beginning of books by the time i get to the end. I've been happy with Robert's and Hilary's suggestions on my reading material-it makes lunch time go by quickly and humoursly. I like the way he just makes fun of his own life-it's nice to read about the rediculous occurences that happen to other people. By the end, it got real boring and those chapters were much less funny than the beginning. It also gave a little excerpt from his upcoming book, which seemed like just another chapter in Magical Thinking. I haven't read anything else by him, so i can't exactly judge.
I'm also reading Please Kill Me: An Uncensored Oral History of Punk At first i didn't like simply reading through a bunch of interviews, but it started to get interesting when Iggy Pop recalled all his dope days.
Being out of school means i actually have time to read leisurely. I'm always in the mood to be learning, so i enjoy it. Unfortunately Hilary and Robert are taking their collections to NYC so i supposed i'll have to start buying the books myself.

The Vagabond

I've always liked to be adventorous and spontaneous. I liked moving into a new apartment every year and visiting different cities. I loved the idea of graduating college and moving to Baltimore, seeing what different possibilites and good times lie ahead. I was never scared to move, never really freaked out about it-just, hey cool, i'm pretty excited, ya. It wasn't until after I had graduated that I realized how confusing it was to finally be out of school and not know anything about my future. It wasn't until my dad said, "Hand over the credit card" that I worried about what I'd have to do to live on my own.
When i tell people I'm moving to Las Vegas, they're reactions are mixed.
"Oh, that's cool"
"That's so awesome, i'd love to just pick up and move like that too!"
"Vegas is not a good place to live"
"Don't leave!! Let's hang out once more" (Usually from the people that never hang out with me to begin with).
and "Aren't you scared? You're going by yourself!"
I'm not scared. I have no job, I have no place to live, I have no one with me on the drive out there, I don't know the directions to get there, I only know one person, hell I've never even been there. And I don't really care. Maybe it will hit me like it did in Baltimore. And maybe in 9 months, I'll move somewhere else.
I'm happy i don't have ties to anything or anyone right now and that i can satisfy my need for adventure and spontaneity. A new job, new apartment, new friends, and a try at a new outlook for really enjoying what's coming up next in my life instead of missing all that's already passed.

Hey T-Ray

I found this and thought of you. And since you don't have a myspace, and you're bound to read this at some point-I just thought i'd let you know it's one of the funniest stories ever. Hope Sasha doesn't see it and get scared!



In other news, I went out to an office lunch. It was great-I'm really happy I work with funny people who are completely accepting of whatever hair style, tattoos, and clothes I have at work, and the liberal atmosphere I get to be in.

I'm also getting closer to moving, I've told my boss, I'm regularly looking on Craig's List for sublets, and I've found a place to stay/tourguide in Memphis!

Scenester Post...IV?

Hey, i went to NYC this weekend. It was awesome as usual, i love it there and i love my friends. We went to some hipster bar, so Hilary and Robert-maybe you can get your picture taken on www.lastnightsparty.com too!

Dear Brian,

I've decided I'll start making reeds when I move so I have enough for the need to buy THIS!

The Ratface Financial Plan

I should have been an accountant. Or something else that has to do with organizing money. I spent every evening for 2 1/2 months entering each day expenses on an Excel worksheet so my New York City living stint would be perfectly budgeted. I love knowing exactly what's in my bank accounts and having my checkbooks perfectly balanced at all times. So it's hard for me to understand why people would want it any other way. I get so many calls for people with bankruptcy from credit cards. My friends never come see me because they don't have the money. It especially frustrates me when i'm dating someone who's a complete spendthrift and doesn't realize that it makes me unhappy when he doesn't have gas money to come see me, can't buy me a Christmas present, or go out to dinner on our anniversary. (This is sounding very selfish, but believe me-i make up for it and buy presents, dinner, and gas plenty of times in return!)
I'm not a tight wad, i just spend/dont spend and save wisely. I've been reading a good many articles on the msn money page. And i feel strongly about 2 areas: Just start budgeting! I tell my friends: write down your expenses, write down how much you need a month-do the calculations! It seems so easy to me, but they don't seem to care; they'd rather complain 2 weeks out of the month how much life sucks because they're broke.
The other area is really the root of people's problems: America's need for material items. Bankruptcy laws were changed this year so it's harder to file now-there were so many filed last year that the government realized how much of a problem it is. We live in a society where everyone feels they need to catch up to everyone else. I do it too, i want the new fashions! I want more cds! Marketing campaigns make it seem like our lives would be so incomplete if we didn't go out and buy the useless bunch of crap they're selling us. If people would just realize how rediculous that is and be happy without keeping up with the jonez's, maybe i won't hear as many i don't have any money right nows.

This blog should be renamed to "The Love Life of Ratface"

Forgive all the singles reference, but hey-i'm single. And i find these humorous.

1. It’s like looking in a mirror!
Scientists at the University of Liverpool recently concluded that our brains favor people with familiar faces. This may explain that common phenomenon of couples looking like they could be siblings. I guess that's why my ex and i had the same haircut, clothing style, and general look-people even nicknamed us "jashely"
2. Manner, schmanners: Go ahead and stare. Another new study says that when a woman walks into a room, she is considered more attractive if she turns her eyes directly toward a certain man. A woman’s gaze can be a powerful arousal cue.
3. You’ll know it when you see it. Single people’s behavior suggests that individuals know “it” (a person who appeals to them) when they see it—almost instantly.
4. Listen up. They found that the voices found to be the most appealing belonged to people who had sex at an earlier age, had more sexual partners, and were more prone to infidelity than those rated as having less appealing voices.
5. I couldn’t help it baby, it’s in my genes. There may be a genetic component to infidelity, says a professor at the Twin Research Unit at St. Thomas’ Hospital, London. The tendency to remain faithful is a component of personality, the scientist elaborates, which is governed both by a number of genes and societal factors.
6. It’s official. Love makes us crazy. For one, it causes serotonin levels in the brain to drop, which may lead people to obsess about their lover. (The levels of serotonin, a chemical produced by the body, are also low in people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder.) Next, it ramps up production of the stress hormone cortisol, leading to slightly higher blood pressure and possible loss of sleep. Finally, a scientist at the University of London has found that when people look at their new loves, the neural circuits that are usually in charge of social judgment are suppressed. All in all, love kind of leaves you obsessive, stressed, and blind. And we love it.
7. Why broken hearts hurt... A recent UCLA study suggests the psychological hurt of a break-up is just as real as a physical injury. Two areas of the brain that respond to physical pain also become activated when a person is dealing with social pain, such as being dumped.
8. Blushing is best. If we take our cue from apes, rosy cheeks are crucial in the dating game, says a new study. Scientists at Stirling University in Great Britain have found that primates prefer mates with red faces.
9. Kiss this way. Did you know there is a “right” way to kiss? People are more likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of left.
10. Meet for drinks before dinner. Researchers at NYU and Stanford have discovered that hungry men prefer heavier women.

DIY or...

As an avid DIYer, i wholly support the idea of creating a company, designing crafts, and trying to sell that product. Unfortunately, it seems this idea of DIY has blown up to everybody and their brother silk screening "scenester" shirts. I know i should support whatever original idea comes along, but i think these "companies" are silkscreening shirts that all look the same so they can advertise in Alternative Press and "sponsor" some bands they want to be friends with.
A lot of the companies do it because they want to get their art out there and want to help others do the same. I really appreciate the effort to put designs on other places then in the middle of a shirt and to use a graphic that is multi-colored and neat. My problem, though, lies in how it is marketed and the reason people are buying this stuff.

Take the brand EXOH Clothing for example:
"Interestingly enough, in an alternative music industry that fosters the idea of independence, creativeness, and originality, many seem to have the idea that this is only true for the musical aspect of the business...Representing one’s self as original is a somewhat, difficult task both in music and fashion but are both necessary for a musician to do in order to catch the attention of prospective listeners...The vision for XO is to create clothing that fosters the values cherished by alternative musicians and fans alike. With this unique style, XO plans on creating clothing that is so original that each piece of clothing, whether it be a t-shirt or a hoodie, would be considered a work of art...a brand of clothing that will get people talking, and noticing you for not only your style, but your originality as well."

I'm not sure if these brands are really concerned with providing originality to kids or just trying to get their stuff out there and using that as an excuse. Don't get me wrong-a lot of the shirts are cool and I'd wear them-but i wouldn't label myself as "original" because i'm walking around with a tshirt that has a skull bleeding hearts and stars all over it. I really don't think there's a big difference between this and Hot Topic, though they'd probably disagree. A kid wearing this isn't putting out a "great, cool, original style here" idea with these clothes, he's just wearing some tshirt he bought from some company.

http://www.amsgclothing.com
http://www.starxcoreclothing.com
http://www.bleedingstarclothing.com
http://www.canyourzst.com
http://www.heartcoreclothing.com
http://www.xokclothing.com

These are just a few of the scenester screenprinting tshirt companies. Just do a search of independent clothing company on myspace and it will provide about 200 more.

Maybe i'm so sick of the scenester haircut, makeup, and general style that that's the reason i don't like these companies. I'd rather see what people like and want to wear, regardless of what the style is in their scene.
I don't mind the company Draven Shoes or Dogpile Clothes. At least these guys don't claim their plaid vests, stretch jeans, and sneakers are part of some revolution for expression.
I think buying DIY clothes from places like Ebay is great. The sellers describe their stuff as "one of a kind", and admit that they're selling it because they hate working stupid jobs and sewing is their true passion. It's handmade, and you're buying it right from the person who has the creativity and talent to create the product. No made up crap about "you'll be so much more stylish and original, this DIY thing is an underground breakthrough!" Here's the girls that I would buy from anyday over a company (if only i could top the highest bidder once!)

Toxic Vision
Turtle Maggie
Grunge Rags

Dear Balticore,

I will not miss your annoying accent
I will not miss the ghettoness and crackheads
I will not miss that ugly man/woman statue on Charles St.

But damn you for booking 3 of my favorite bands only days after i leave you!
The Subhumans, Poison the Well, and Monster Squad would all be amazing to see in the good ass, small as shit spaces that are taken up by the almost friendly and understanding kids of my most enjoyed scene yet.

He's Just Not that Into You

So i finally decided to read it-by reccomendation from everyone. Though everyone i know who has read it certainly doesn't deal any better with boys now than before reading it.

The chapter on "the dissapearing act" helped me the most. You're dating somebody thinking it's going real great-then he stops calling, won't answer the phone, is nowhere to be found. It's hard to deal with because it's like 'wow, i'm not even worth a breakup!?' There's absolutely no closure in the situation. So somehow we think that yelling at them or asking what we did wrong with provide closure and make us feel better about the situation. They know what they did, why they did it, and that there's nothing we did-there just wasn't a connection. I was planning on saying goodbye to some people before i move, but what's the point? They dont care enough to find and talk to me. i guess i'm doing it more for myself. Somehow hoping it will provide some sort of closure.

This book tells us what we all know. but what girls make excuses to pretend they don't know. They're not calling us because they don't want to. I didn't suddenly become ugly, fat, and stupid-he just doesn't like me anymore. It's hard to except things exactly for what they are and realize there's nothing we can do about it and there's no specific explanation-people like each other and don't like others. That's all. The book is right; as soon as we stop making excuses, we'll start spending less time on useless situations.

The Missing Retainers

I just went dumpster diving. That's right-dumpster and vomit searching while Hilary stood 4 feet away looking in the other director holding up a flashlight. 4 years ago, I got real drunk, blacked out, and awoke without retainers in my mouth. Apparenlty i had thrown them in the radiator out in the dorm hall so i had to call the maintenance. The retainers are so sneaky-they're always falling off their shelf and landing behind shelves, under beds, and other hidden places.
I'm going to mention that this isn't just any kind of retainer. It's about $600, specially designed for my "fucked up jaw" syndrome. Without it, i have neck problems, severe headaches, and grind my teeth like i just had a rave night with ecstacy. I love my expensive braced teeth so much that I want to wear my retainers for the rest of my life so they continue to look good. Needless to say, it's a little worrysome when i lose them.
Last night, in my drunken stupor, I threw up and trealize this morning that (after finding my glasses on the floor and paycheck in the trashcan) my retainers were nowhere to be found. After work i looked all over the house and couldn't find them so i had to face my fear-dig through the apartment dumpster to fish out the black trashbag full of used condoms/old boots/papers/puke and look for those bitches. Well, it's probably a good thing they weren't there, so i looked around my room a little more and VOILA! Behind my box of sweaters.
My sister says next time I'm plastered I should stay far away from them. Good idea.

5 Reasons You're Still Single

Silent saboteur #1: You’re ignoring your relationship needs
Silent saboteur #2: You’re too quick to decide whether you’re interested
Silent saboteur #3: You’ve got options but none are “good enough"
Silent saboteur #4: You’re not entirely over your ex
Silent saboteur #5: Your attitude leaves a bad taste in the hearts and minds of others

Hear that, Hilary? Maybe the blind date with "the man sitting beside a car who looks nothing like the nerdy indie rocker you met" could have led to a relationship if you hadn't said "man i hope this guy isn't my date!"

Bad date idea

I don't think there could be a worse option for a first/beginning date than going out for dinner. It really combines the most ocward, disgusting, and uncomfortable situations one can express to someone else they barely know. First, there's ordering. As a girl, I usually don't pay-so I sit there thinking "That steak sounds so god damn delicious, but it's $15 and I can't order anything really expensive," so i usually have to end up eating something that isn't exactly what i want. Then it comes to what you eat-you don't want to look like a total fatass by ordering an appetizer of mega proportions combined with a bowl of soup, plate of spaghetti, and cheesecake to top it off. Fortunately, i don't have a problem with looking like a fatass even if i did order that, but instead my strange eating habits come out at this time. I have a stomach the size of a peanut, so i eat about 4 bites and then i'm full. So i feel like a jerk for making my date pay for a meal i barely touch. Then there's how i look when i eat-my biggest concern is, is there food stuck in my teeth? It's uncomfortable to tell someone it's there, it's bad to hear, but it's worse when you discover in the bathroom a peppercorn that has been lodged between your two middle teeth for the past hour. I also manage to get food everywhere. On my clothes, in my hair, on my forehead. Then there's the conversation during dinner. You barely know each other, yet you're all alone with each other stuck in random conversation or sitting through that horribly uncomfortable silence where you have to look around the room for something remotely interesting. Once you're finished eating, it's always weird when the check comes. Do you offer to pay for something? Pick up the tip? Then there's the aftermath of a meal. Assuming you have to hang out a little bit after dinner, does your breath stink? How do you make the 5-10 minutes a poop will take to look like you're just going to the bathroom to pee? What if you went out for mexican food-how do you mask the gas? So, please, to all you men that are banging at my door for dinner invitations-let's go to the movies instead.

The Boyfriend

Relationships vs. Frienships. It's kind of weird-you know your friends will always be there for you, unlike your boyfriend or girlfriend, but when you're in a relationship it seems like nothing else really matters. Even if you and your friends are taking a trip to London to meet Orland Bloom...okay this is a bad example. Even if you and your friends are watching Alkaline Trio, drinking Hooegardens (this is really just my fantasy), you're still thinking about the boyfriend that is back at home. You would ditch your friends for him, you would leave a party early to go see him, he seems too encompass all your thoughts all the time.
So when one of my best friends told me she would almost miss seeing me for my last time on the east coast because she wanted to hang out with the boyfriend she sees every weekend, I was pretty upset. But then I thought, maybe she can't help it. It's unfortunate, but there's a feeling a significant other can give you (bad or good) that friends never can. I was hanging out last night with a best friend i rarely get to see, having a great time laughing, drinking, making fun of people, and all i could think of was "Why hasn't he called?" I'll look back in a couple of years and wonder why i wasted so much time upset over the loser boys i've dated and regret not spending that time enjoying my friends, family, and life. But i guess that good, or in my case mostly bad feeling, isn't something you can just get rid of.
Man, i need to stop these emo posts and start a livejournal or something.